regret.. thinking.. time.

It's amazing how many times a heart can change its' mind in the course of a few hours. You can love them to no end, and the next minute, hate them. Then you want to be friends again. Then you love them again. Then you're right on that edge of going to the next level with them. Then they do something that makes you change your mind yet again. Then you start telling your friends how cool this person is, how you think this person is the one (again). Then when they ask you how it's going, you have to tell them the unfortunate news that you're, once again, turned off by them. Then, in a spur-of-the-moment thing, you confess. Maybe that's not even how you really feel about them, but that's how you feel at that exact moment. And you think, you don't wanna regret never telling them about your feelings, so you just get those feelings out there: I know this is kind of sudden, but... I think I like you. And if you don't feel the same way, it's totally cool, because I understand if you wanna be just friends with me. I just felt like I had to tell you, I like you. Except it's really not okay if they wanna be just friends, you just try to play it off. And if they do accept your confession, you immediately start regretting it. Shit! Why did I do that?! Now I have to take responsibility, shit shit shit. And that's basically how it goes on. Now you're the one that wants to stay friends, and so you lie lie lie. And they want you; they begin to be more open about their feelings, and all the while, you're feeling very uncomfortable. How the hell do you handle this kind of situation? If you tell them your true feelings once again, you'll obviously regret telling them, you'll obviously want them and miss them later on.

So my question is, why do we do these stupid things? Whichever road you take, why is there always regret? Of course we hear about those happy love stories, where A confesses to B, B accepts, and they're a happy couple. But for me, it's just never worked out that way. All the way up to The Confession and after, I think, regret, think, regret, regret, regret. Well I don't know, that's just how I am, I guess. Maybe this is my subconscious' way of telling me that, No Marian. You're not ready for a relationship, no matter how much you want one. You need to mature a little more, learn how to commit. Learn that love is sacrifice, and if you're not willing, then don't do it at all. All you'll end up doing is breaking that other person's heart. And that's when even the prospect of friendship vanishes. So until you know, 200%, that this person is the one you want, and you KNOW.. that without calling them yours you'll be a sad, sad person, don't do anything stupid. Don't envy others' relationships, when you know you can have one. Learn to take responsibility, learn some empathy. You don't know anything till you've walked a mile in the other person's shoes. Don't be greedy, and lastly, DON'T, but a spur-of-the-moment girl.

If it's meant to be...